I can’t do this anymore :( I’m so scared of the food we’ll eat later for dinner bc I weighted myself earlier today and I need to lose weight again, I feel so fat, I hate my body and I can’t do this anymore.. no one knows how bad it is, no one understands it and I won’t ever tell anyone I know, I’m just so sad, I’m so alone… I can’t do this anymore.. please just make me skinny, please :(
my bf is the only one that knows about the fact that I still have my ed or my ed-thoughts and he is the only one that knows about the fact that I want to lose weight again, how fat I feel and how much I hate myself. And it’s getting worse with everyday. Seriously thats everything my world revolves about, how skinny people are, if they have a tight-gap or not, what i’ll be able to eat, how many calories food has, how long I’ll be able to restrict… and there were 3 situations in the last times we saw when I cried because of food.. the first time he was acting ok, the second time he already forgot about everything when we were eating, he even ate all my food bc I said I wasn’t hungry anymore… the third time I started to cry after my dad said the would like some pizza and he said yes and even paid.. and I didn’t want to tell him why I was crying because he wouldn’t understand anyways and guys I cried after my dad went with the money for the pizza out of the room, he knows all my histories, and it didn’t came to his mind that I was scared of the pizza.. that was maybe the worst part..
and now on christmas with is the scariest time of the year, I told him I’m scared of lunch with his family and he said “It’s not going to be that bad, just let it go, just don’t eat that much, than you won’t gain”
THAT DOESNT HELP… I need someone to ask me how bad I restrict, that skinny is not worth that, that I’m beautiful or something, not that I would believe all this, but this is what I would really need at the moment, someone I love to care about me, but no one seems to notice how bad it’s getting.. and I bet in the end they’ll all be like “ohh i saw it coming” just like the last time.. but the fact that no one cares makes me want it even more..
Ohh I’m always so sorry to hear about sad love storys. And I don’t really know how I can help you there, because I never had a realtionship like this. And The BF I have now is probably the most amazing person in the whole world. He lives 300km away and we barely see each other (every two weeks for one weekend and sometimes a little bit longer) and I miss him so much, so I can understand you perfectly. And that you are afraid of losing him is absolutely understandable! And I don’t think he broke up with you, maybe he really hasn’t time to answer you or he thinks about all this stuff.. I’m sure he’ll text ypu back and if not, try to see him after the vacations are over and you can be sure that he is home :) The worst thing in life is always not knowing how the person you love feels about you, so you should find it out. And tell him how you feel about him and that you missed him (if thats true)!
Feel free to text me again, my love
You’re so cute, and I really am doing great, I hope you do to? :)
xxx and lots of love
Awww thank you so much
I love you 2 <3
you guys know what? My bf is meeting a other girl today and he’s going to a party tomorrow and I’m so jealous and that means drinking tomorrow yeayyyyy cheers
So sorry for not repeating so long :(
That must be so awfull for you, I have a bf too and I don’t know how much it would hurt if I knew that he would cut.. As you know, I cut too and since you said you cut to0 (what you should stop!!) you know whats the best reaction. I only had one good reaction when I showed someone my scars. One was from my dad and the other one was from my bf and his best friend who is kinda like a big brother to me.. My dad took my arm and touched my cuts, and saw me in the eyes and said ‘my little angle why have you done this to you? what are you doing you hurt me so much more by doing this..’ And he had tears in his eyes and then he hugged me and pulled me very close so I was able to hear his heartbeat and then he said ‘do you hear my heart? it beats for you my love and I want you to hear it and to know it hurts there when you do this to you and I want you to know that you can talk to me when ever you want to I’m here for you!’
My bf and my bro said something similar ‘you are special you are a wonderfull person, you are smart pretty amazing and funny and you are important someone cares about you, we care about you. And NO one in the world has the right to hurt your beautiful body, not you and no one else NO ONE and you should never ever see this as the only way out, of course there are things you don’t want to talk about but then you need to tell yourself that you are worth it’ and so on.. I really appreciate all this so much. And it helped me a lot. You should not get mad at him or tell him to just stop, tell him what you told me, tell him your experiences tell him what you feel for him and that it hurts you when you see this!
Hope it helps
Saying I feel myself falling back into anorexia wouldn’t be right because I never let Ana really go, I never completely recovered and I’m glad about that because all I want is my perfect skinny body back, the huge gap between my thighs, my hipbones and my colarbones